#I'm just so tired of life and myself man | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gamblord · 10 months ago

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saw another job post on twitter that I really would've loved to have done but I just don't have time to do anything plus it already had like 60 people applying for it. I hate having no time man, shit sucks wanting to do so much but having no time to do any of it because you have to

A) be an adult and prioritise maintaining your life, even though the time cost of that increases more and more as life maintenance costs rise and wages dont

B) have to spend your 20s not improving your life but doing all the growing and exploration you were meant to do in your teens but couldnt because you were neglected and didnt even know how much it fucked you up until your mid 20s hit

C) try to balance work and life and relationships

D) deal with all the bad habits you developed as coping mechanisms that kept you alive 5+ years ago but are now hampering your efforts to be better

E) still try and improve your life because if you're just spinning tyres you might stay up for a while but you'll just burn out and lose it all again so keep going keep trying to make things better cmon hurry up go go only you can change things for yourself go on

#gamb do a think #I'm just so tired of life and myself man

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yardsards · 1 year ago

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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

#eliot posts #suicide mention #animal abuse mention #i guess #ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post #i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often #i frequently block people for saying it #sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too #i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression #but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.)#and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness #and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them #and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys #so yeah! fucking stop it!

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welcometogrouchland · 2 years ago

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[ID: a digital drawing of Hunter and Willow from the owl house based on the "lesbians doing makeup" meme. Hunter is lying beneath Willow, who straddles him while doing his makeup. He looks at her somewhat dazed and she looks at him fondly. the background is a mid-tone blue. End ID]

This is what they are. To me

#the owl house #toh #hunter toh #willow park #huntlow #this the. 3rd? huntlow meme redraw I've done?#it's fun okay?#yesterday and today were pretty okay but they left me WIPED OUT and this was all i could make lmao #i probably could've spent more time on this but also it was just a silly meme redraw for fun lol it doesn't have to be the mona lisa #<- saying that through gritted teeth btw. it does not have to be the mona lisa #man I'm even too tired for tag rambles i do not have much to say #i will say that i contemplated doing this with amity and willow instead but I'm not super huge into them romantically #hence i figured that as much as i love the off-screen makeover Amity gave willow in s2 (that i lowkey wish ppl did more with)#I'd prefer to indulge myself this once lol #she's gonna give him red eyeshadow i think :]#i was gonna try and draw each of them with more makeup but it straight up didn't look right in my style lol #so uh. just imagine #okay i gotta go listen to music like my life depends on it hope u guys enjoy

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menlove · 6 months ago

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as a card carrying terf I don’t think trans ppl are disgusting and neither does any radfem i’ve ever met, vast majority of us dgaf about trans people specifically; we want single-sex spaces to exist and btw trans people need those single-sex spaces too. trans women deserve to have spaces for Just trans women and cis women deserve spaces with Just cis women etc etc. i highly recommend doing some actual research into radical feminism instead of repeating the "theyre all conservatives who hate gnc people and find trans people disgustinf and want to kill them" that is simply not true lmao. you may be surprised a what you learn! sincerely a gnc lesbian and proud radfem

I have in fact done much research into radical feminism babe! trust me I have spent hours in yalls spaces! and you simply cannot speak for every single terf just as I can't speak for every trans person. you can't say "come on NO ONE IS SAYING-" just like I can't say that either. do you know every terf? have you seen every blog? have you been a trans person (particularly a trans woman) on the internet trying to just exist in peace? no? then you don't get to say "no terf is SAYING-" because yes, a lot of you are!

"no terf thinks trans people are disgusting" cool so when I was 19 and hadn't touched testosterone a day in my life and had she/they in my bio one of you coming into my ask going "I can tell by looking at you that you'll never be a woman lmfao" bc I'm latine w a shitton of body hair and non-eurocentric features, THAT was out of love for ✨women✨.

when yall (not you specifically but your group you associate with) get on twitter and pick apart the selfies women post telling them they're ugly and following it up by saying you KNOW they're "men" and it turns out 9/10 you've just harassed a cis woman who just doesn't meet eurocentric beauty standards, that's so totally cool and awesome and out of love for cis women and a want for separate spaces right?

when yall go into trans people's asks and tell us to kill ourselves, call us pedophiles, call us rapists, call us ugly... that shit just doesn't happen, right? and yes I'm Aware yall get death and rape threats too. you shouldn't, it's gross on both sides, but really it's not proving your point here.

it's fucking infuriating. you're infuriating. because radical feminism could be something worthwhile (and funnily enough I've met a lot of older ex radfem lesbians who have veered away from it bc of how fucking vitrolic yall are towards trans people). but instead, it is steeped and inseparable from the mire of hatred and disgust that you parrot. you don't give a single shit about women, whatever sex.

I'm an assigned female at birth lesbian who has only ever slept with other people with vaginas (consensually anyway). I can't tell you the amount of hate I've gotten from yall. just for being trans. even though I meet your definition of being a woman and being a lesbian. it doesn't matter because your hatred for people you deem as degenerate outweighs actually fucking advocating for feminism.

I'm not even going to argue with you on how useless single sex spaces actually are bc despite their best attempts there's always going to be problems (namely: fun fact cis women can be awful too AND how the fuck are you going to check and enforce this rule? what is your end goal?).

but what I AM going to say is no, sorry, that's NOT what a lot of you think. that's what YOU think. that's why YOU'RE a terf. but actually fucking look at the people around you. go on a trans person's blog or twitter who's receiving harassment and fucking try and tell me it's to promote "uwu safe spaces" like.... be fucking serious with me right now lmfao

you're not conservatives! but you are a bunch of fucking assholes who care more about harassing trans people than building a feminism that might actually have teeth. if you're using those teeth to attack a group more vulnerable than you, you're just an aggressor.

tldr you don't speak for all of them, go fuck yourself, etc

#this is so funny lmao 'just do some actual research'#girl you have no idea the amount of research I've done #I'm sick and tired of liberal feminism but you guys are NOT any better #I'd rather align myself w the group that's Not focused on blind hatred 90% of the time #and crazily enough there's other trans feminists who also want feminism with teeth!#we're here! we flock together! you don't need to hang out w terfs to get a feminism w teeth #and by radical feminism being worthwhile I mean the foundational idea #that sexism is something that is radical and is steeped in every facet of life and society that we need to fight #which is a very true thing! and could make for some interesting politics!#instead yall wanna sit there and go EWWWWW NO ONE IN THIS CLUB I DONT LIKE AND WOULDNT FUCK :(#like man fuck off entirely if that's how you want to take that issue

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 7 months ago

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questioning sexuality is so exhausting

#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason #someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage #and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk #but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself #i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it #and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately #this isn't entirely related but it kind of is #like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know #i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are #queer stuff tag #i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as #the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing #ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded #also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him #i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know #i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever #care for me #now im rambling. sorry

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isekyaaa · 1 month ago

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Another story idea. One of those basic ass stories where this child is abused by her family due to her sister (adopted) came and brainwashed the whole family into loving her and hating mc. In the end mc is framed for some crime and is ultimately executed. Only after mc dies does the family realize their fault when the whole world becomes destroyed. Following me? Basic ass brainwashing story. Anyway, here's the twist. Time gets reversed, and mc awakens to the point in time ten years before her death. But the twist? Mc isn't the main character. The story takes place from the viewpoint of one of the brainwashed siblings that slowly remembers their previous life.

#story ideas #i'm reading 'a world without you' and i am tired #why do they always go through brainwashing route?#'mc was horribly abused abandoned and neglected bc they were brainwashed!!!!!!!!!'#so unoriginal and boring #but what i find even more surprising is like...#how so many of the readers/audience wants them to die for what they did #these people were brainwashed and not in control of their actions but regardless they are the scum of the earth #idk man #i'll never get used to how people in this day and age feel empowered by the purity movement and like....#lack any and all sympathy/empathy for others #so it'd be fun to make a story based upon one of the characters they vilify #this character would slowly realize their past life #'why do i always feel guilty around this person?'#'i know they're terrified of me but i just want to help them in any way i can't #and then when they remember their past finally it's like #'i finally understand. how can i live with myself knowing what i put them through?'#it'd be a boring story but it'd be fun to shove in those people's faces

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elv-arts · 1 year ago

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Redraw time! Nearly a decade between these.

The first one is the first art I posted on the internet, as soon as my parents let me make a deviantart account. I was thirteen and used to draw this kind of thing a lot.

The second I drew last night at 2am because I wanted to make 13yr old me happy and also i got possessed by the sleepy art demon.

[ID: Image 1 - a coloured pencil drawing of an "anime style" girl taking a selfie with takanuva from bionicle. The girl has pale freckled skin, long brown hair in a low ponytail, and a slim green vest top. One arm holds up the camera, and the girl and takanuva each have one arm around the other's back. They're smiling with their eyes closed and the background is a sunny view of the sea and a beach with a sand castle. There's some sun glare in the corner of the picture, wispy clouds, and the sea has sparkles on it.

Image 2 - a digital drawing of a person taking a selfie with takanuva. The person has pale freckled skin, an underbite, long brown hair with growing out buzzed sides tied in a ponytail, and a black tshirt with the sleeves cut off. They have chipped black nails, an ear cuff and a couple bracelets including a rainbow one. They are grinning and are making a peace sign. Takanuva's eyes are making a happy expression and he is also making a peace sign (or perhaps failed bunny ears) behind the person. The background is a blue sky with wispy clouds and a beach. End ID]

My art has changed a lot, and I've grown so much, but some things have certainly stayed the same lol

#bionicle #redraw #takanuva #kid me put so much effort into figuring out drawing bionicle #I think they'd be so happy to see how I draw them now #not to get too deep on silly bonkle selfie drawing #but kid me couldn't picture how i could ever be me and an adult #I didn't know i was allowed to be like any of the things i am now #i couldn't imagine being a woman and i'm not #i couldn't imagine growing out of the things i adored and i haven't #i couldn't imagine myself being happy as an adult and even though a lot of things do suck I am #idk man looking at them side by side experiencing feelings i wanna give that kid a hug #life is fleeting and ever changing but bonkles are forever lol #anyway yeah this isn't a masterpiece or anything i just figured it'd be nice to put it here #please excuse text mistakes i am very tired as usual

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northwest-cryptid · 3 months ago

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I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because

My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because

I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because

People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because

My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.

#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner #I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even #find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because #every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse #and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have #and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in #and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help #and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit #they're not going to think about how they could have helped #and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people #who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much #they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how #to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore #I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.

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ratcandy · 6 months ago

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my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down

#if nothing else this trip has really opened my eyes to how much chronic pain/fatigue does impact my life compared to others #i dunno I guess I just never really noticed. but I just don't have the energy other people do. Not even close. Not even a little bit #I go through a day of class and relish in the thought of spending the rest of my day resting because the agony in my legs #and the unbearable tiredness I feel just beckons me to collapse into bed #but everyone else is just so . energized. and ready to explore. and wanting to run all over the place and do 1 million things all the time #and this is normal? this is how normal people are? Because I'm the only one out of my entire class who seems to be the opposite #everyone just has so much energy. and I Do Not have that energy. I had to stand for most of the past three hours and it's taken me out #for the day i'll be honest. but everyone else just seems so undaunted #and it sucks because i'd love to hang out with these people and join them and whatever but when I do force myself along i'm just so tired #and so pained that all my responses are either dry or i don't say anything at all. i'm just completely out of spoons but I hang on because #i Hate the feeling of being left behind #oh well. eye-opening experience I guess #vent #<- it became that so yeah I'm tagging it #clamtalk #and also? my bee sting? IT ITCHES. Who was going to tell me it'd do that. What the Fuck Man

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queridaz · 2 days ago

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dude, genuinely, why can't i be happy? why can't the universe ever let me be happy?

#i was SO excited for thanksgiving bc my niece is old enough to start remembering me #and it'd be the first one with her and my nephew both talking and walking so we can all play together #and i can truly establish myself as the fun cousin aunt #but now i'm like super sick and might need to leave the house asap perhaps even tomorrow so i can't do thanksgiving #and even if i don't leave i'll probably be too sick to play with them or enjoy myself and dude i've been so looking forward to this #and i really needed it after the semester that i've had and now i can't even have this #and if i don't recover by morning this'll be the fourth time i've been majorly sick this year!!!#and the second thanksgiving in a row that i've been sick for (though last time i managed to be not contagious and fairly well functioning)#this just sucks so bad bc it was supposed to be my one good thing and it just feels like i can't have anything good in my life #idk man i'm just tired of being given a struggle at every turn #isn't my life hard enough????#tea talks #tea vents

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jupiter--dream · 1 month ago

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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)

Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq

I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq

#I mostly talk to my partner #But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life #But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much #I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it #But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq #Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into #And have been playing non-stop #They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but #But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just #Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but #But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here #Because they were fucking playing #And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole #And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people #I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq #My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself #And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing #And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends #Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone #Man; just #I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point #There's no point nor reason #I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way #I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way #I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq #I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment #It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible

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misspoetree · 2 years ago

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Presenting: The Great KinnPorsche Fashion Showdown (nobody asked for)

A few weeks ago, I made a poll about the best dressed KinnPorsche character. Tankhun won that one, followed by Vegas and Tay. Legitimate results - but the tags had some really interesting arguments for a bunch of different contenders. So why don't we take a closer look? Why don't we go through all the characters and their outfits one by one, choose the best one for each of them and repeat the initial poll at the end?

Sooo...that's exactly what we're doing right now.

*For the characters with more than 10 outfits - like Kim here - I'm going to make multiple polls and put the best voted ones into a final one

Tankhun - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | FINAL CONTENDERS (CLOSED) - WINNER: THE CAPE 🎉🎉🎉

Vegas - Part 1 (CLOSED) | Part 2 (CLOSED) | Part 3 (CLOSED) | FINAL CONTENDERS (RED VELVET SHIRT*TM vs. THE WITCHY SHIRT*TM vs. GREEN SATIN SHIRT) - (closes March 28th!!!!!)

Kim - Part 1 (closes March 26th) | FINAL CONTENDERS coming March 30th

You can find the links to all the polls (as I gradually post them) HERE (pinned on my profile).

LET'S GET VOTING! 🎉